One of the worst feelings in the world is to wake up after a good night of sleep, having had a good night, and knowing that you will have a good day today. Knowing you have a good life, and that people love you, but feeling hopeless, useless, and depressed. How no matter how right things are going you just feel down and awful. Depression is real, exists in many forms, and is super hard.
My heart goes out to everyone who’s ever been depressed, whether it’s seasonal, momentary, hereditary, hormonal, mental, suicidal, or any other form of depression. Even if you do not have the mental illness ‘Depression’, everyone has been depressed at one moment in their life, and that one moment can be the hardest moment ever. I feel and support every single one of you.
I have recently been feeling very depressed, sad, and down. There is a high chance of me having hereditary depression considering my mother, uncle, and many other’s in my family have it, and I’ve been feeling so depressed. It’s been hard. I can be having a wonderful day, everything has been going right and in my favor, but I just feel so depressed.
I decided to write a post about depression, my depression and how I am going through it, and just depression in general.
Depression isn’t just sadness. It’s a mental state. For me it feels kind of like I have a cloud of depression surrounding my brain when I am going through a wave of depression. I can still feel other emotions, anger, sadness, and even happiness, but it’s through a depressed filter. My heart and chest feel heavy, and I always want to cry. If I am going through a wave, and find my self alone, or in a dark room, I cry. Tears, for no reason at all fall down my face. It’s hard and it hurts.
It’s especially hard, when I am having a good day and AM happy, but I have to push through the depression. I look happy, I am smiling, but I hurt and feel broken inside.
I will also have no motivation to do anything. I can always tell when I am going through a wave of depression because my grades really suffer. I never want to do anything, even things I love. I have a short attention span, and can’t continue on a task for long.
Another symptom of depression that I go through is hardness of sleep. I have a hard time going to sleep, even when I am exhausted, a hard time staying asleep, even when I want to continue to sleep, and a hard time waking up, even when I have been in bed for hours and have things to do.
Though it’s hard, and I am definitely struggling with it, there is help.
One thing that helps me a lot, cheesy as it sounds, is to read motivational talks. The ones I most commonly read are talks giving by John Bytheway, and Jeffery R. Holland’s “Like a Broken Vessel” . These men are both LDS speakers, and give beautiful talks. Elder Holland’s talk is directed to the LDS Church, but it is still worth reading even if you are not LDS. John Bytheway is a youth motivational speaker, you does do LDS directed talks, but everything he’s done is extremely helpful to anyone going through hard things.
I plan on writing a blog post soon about getting help when depressed, tips and tricks to staying happy and healthy, etc. so look out for that! Until then let’s push through this together, and know depression is real, and can be really hard.