Depression is Real and HARD

One of the worst feelings in the world is to wake up after a good night of sleep, having had a good night, and knowing that you will have a good day today. Knowing you have a good life, and that people love you, but feeling hopeless, useless, and depressed. How no matter how right things are going you just feel down and awful. Depression is real, exists in many forms, and is super hard.

My heart goes out to everyone who’s ever been depressed, whether it’s seasonal, momentary, hereditary, hormonal, mental, suicidal, or any other form of depression. Even if you do not have the mental illness ‘Depression’, everyone has been depressed at one moment in their life, and that one moment can be the hardest moment ever. I feel and support every single one of you.

I have recently been feeling very depressed, sad, and down. There is a high chance of me having hereditary depression considering my mother, uncle, and many other’s in my family have it, and I’ve been feeling so depressed. It’s been hard. I can be having a wonderful day, everything has been going right and in my favor, but I just feel so depressed.

I decided to write a post about depression, my depression and how I am going through it, and just depression in general.

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Depression isn’t just sadness. It’s a mental state. For me it feels kind of like I have a cloud of depression surrounding my brain when I am going through a wave of depression. I can still feel other emotions, anger, sadness, and even happiness, but it’s through a depressed filter. My heart and chest feel heavy, and I always want to cry. If I am going through a wave, and find my self alone, or in a dark room, I cry. Tears, for no reason at all fall down my face. It’s hard and it hurts.

It’s especially hard, when I am having a good day and AM happy, but I have to push through the depression. I look happy, I am smiling, but I hurt and feel broken inside.

I will also have no motivation to do anything. I can always tell when I am going through a wave of depression because my grades really suffer. I never want to do anything, even things I love. I have a short attention span, and can’t continue on a task for long.

Another symptom of depression that I go through is hardness of sleep. I have a hard time going to sleep, even when I am exhausted, a hard time staying asleep, even when I want to continue to sleep, and a hard time waking up, even when I have been in bed for hours and have things to do.

Though it’s hard, and I am definitely struggling with it, there is help.
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One thing that helps me a lot, cheesy as it sounds, is to read motivational talks. The ones I most commonly read are talks giving by John Bytheway, and Jeffery R. Holland’s “Like a Broken Vessel” . These men are both LDS speakers, and give beautiful talks. Elder Holland’s talk is directed to the LDS Church, but it is still worth reading even if you are not LDS. John Bytheway is a youth motivational speaker, you does do LDS directed talks, but everything he’s done is extremely helpful to anyone going through hard things.

I plan on writing a blog post soon about getting help when depressed, tips and tricks to staying happy and healthy, etc. so look out for that! Until then let’s push through this together, and know depression is real, and can be really hard.

 

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10 thoughts on “Depression is Real and HARD

  1. You can definitely see your skills within the work you write.
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    Liked by 1 person

  2. britedesignsstudio May 23, 2018 — 12:30 pm

    Beautifully written. I also battle waves of depression and will have zero motivation for life in general. It is really hard with running my own business and having two children you look up to me to not get into a slump. Sometime it is best to just let the tears come for that small feeling of relief to help me get back up and active.
    Feel free to reach out if you EVER want to talk! We are in this together ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ❤ Thank you! The tears are so real. I think it's wonderful that you are raising children and running a business while going through this! Thank you again for the support!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. britedesignsstudio May 25, 2018 — 11:40 am

        Thank you! It can be hard no doubt. I just try to remember that every day there are others counting on me, and I am making an impact in someone’s life when I push past the depression cloud. As are you by writing this post!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I never called it depression, but I too sometimes feels an unnecessary cloud of stress in my head which is hard to vent out.
    🌸

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Part of being human, layers of stress that add up and can become something worse if we don’t do something about it. I wish we could just make it all disappear.

      Like

      1. Yes, at all those moments you want to make it disappear. It is a terrible feeling.

        Liked by 1 person

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